


Save Me From Myself

by SoraMJigen



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Anxiety, Childhood, Fear, Friendship, Gallifrey, Gallifreyan, Help, Loneliness, Mental Health Issues, Ocean, Other, Paranoia, Stars, Time Travel, Travel, World Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 04:42:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4593240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoraMJigen/pseuds/SoraMJigen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oneshot. When you grow paranoid of the world, the eleventh Doctor shows up and decides to fix that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save Me From Myself

You had always viewed the world through pictures and as a child, you wanted to see more than just colored paper portraying happy people in faraway places. Even on television, the world seemed bright and warm and you had the desire to jump on a plane that would take you anywhere. Where it would land you wouldn’t know, but you would embrace this new location and seek out its secrets and pleasures. You would befriend the tourists, the natives, and generally anyone who didn’t treat you improperly.

As you learned the names of places you remembered every one and researched them, curious to see how they differed from other lands. Through information from travel sites, videos, customs, and cultures you determined what lands you wanted to visit. You even read travel books and your parents found it adorable that their child wanted to roam across the world. But as you grew, you parents learned that the world wasn’t safe and inviting as you had seen. Thieves were common, terrorists were rapidly emerging, and kidnappers were more powerful than ever, clinging to stalking methods just like rapists. These types of people grew with time, just like you, to the point where they seemed to cloud the news. Of murderers randomly striking civilians for no reason, of bombers infiltrating schools, of robberies, and of how your parents spoke about these events religiously. The world became scarier with every passing day and your parents as well as the news reinforced this steadily growing fear. 

When it was time to go to college, you found yourself much more paranoid than what you were during high school. Despite your small town of security and close proximity to everything, (including your school) you still felt the fear that something or someone would attempt to murder or harass you. When people called your name sometimes, you jumped and they laughed, not understanding your paranoia. College was far from home (approximately an hour and forty five minute drive) and you were shocked your parents were letting you stray so far away. To ensure your safety you purchased some mace, a class for self defense, a few karate sessions, and a miniature defense weapon for your keychain. You would only use any of these things in case something terrible would ever arise, like a sexual predator or a teacher who didn’t understand the word ‘no’.

During your time at college you remained the same way you did at high school: quiet with only having a few friends, trying to make more in case they could help in dire situations. You maintained excellent grades and even graduated with honors. You were by far one of the best students who, like many others, could not find a job after your educational years. The most you ever worked was a cashier job at a department store and a librarian job at the university. It was customer service and some spending money, but it was better than nothing even though your paranoia wrapped you tightly in your beliefs. You watched and attempted to stop those who stole from you or the store on multiple occasions. Most of the time, you succeeded. Other times, the robbers were too fast for you or the guards’ feet. Your manager reassured you that it was all right and that it wasn’t your fault, but inside, your fear of the world heightened. 

When your parents pushed you out of the house and into the real world once you managed to land a manager job at a department store, you didn’t want to go. They laughed, believing you would be homesick and miss them terribly, but it was much deeper than that. The world was ready to swallow you like a gazelle. You weren’t ready and still fearful, but your parents refused to listen. As you settled into your new apartment, you found yourself more paranoid than ever, but at least you had neighbors who would come over, and try to pull you out of your antics. Most of the time they succeeded and took you out to the local outlet mall, the farmers’ market, and with every experience you found your secure shell slowly begin to fade. Your neighbors were young, just like you. They were brave and dominating and wonderfully kind. You accepted their friendship steadily in doses with every conversation and outing, growing to like them the more you interacted with them. However, in your hours of loneliness and relaxation, the news would stir up your fears once more, reminding you of your upbringing. 

At the age of twenty five you still sat in your bedroom after a long day of work and still gazed at the screen. Your friends had dominated their fear of the world and had gone to tons of places, places you often dreamed of. When comparing your life to theirs, you found it incredible that at such a young age they felt secure in going where their hearts called them. Ireland spoke to your friend who graduated college with you. Spain entranced your other friend who helped you with your homework. Seattle called to your friend who triggered you to find yourself in this vast, but strangely small world. India cried out to your neighbors who returned there once a year because they treasured the land dearly.

You hadn’t traveled much since you had entered your new independent life. The most you’ve ever traveled was to the docks a few miles away from your apartment, other than what your neighbors had dragged you to. Though the trips to the docks you took by yourself; your miniature oasis found by some random chance when your friend had taken you to an ice cream social and you saw this place on the way there. You remembered the way to this place and came back when everyone had gone away, leaving you to your private sanctuary. 

Tonight, to clear your head you drove out to the docks overlooking the sea. Your feet were too tired to walk from work, but you couldn’t stay out long, you had to return to the daily grind tomorrow. Sitting on the faded boards, you exposed your feet and dipped them in the high tide of the sea. Waves swung softly and curled beneath a full moon as you allowed the salty breeze to play with your hair. The anchored boats bobbed with the tide, crinkling the moonlight with every ripple. The sound of the sea tossed itself against the hulls, giving way to a peaceful melody that cancelled out any negativity in your head, even if it was for a few moments or hours. The ocean sang a song as it had done every day of the year long ago before you were born and the world was beginning. It was a roar that was often impish, inviting people to play in its great vastness, but you knew how that roar could change drastically and howl with the wind and cry out with thunder and lightning. You knew how the winds whipped those waves, bending them to their rule, and you knew how the waves groaned in protest and rolled forward toward the docks. Yet you knew how strongly those waves could rebel and in a way, you wished you harnessed such a wild, reckless spirit. To break from your fear completely and take on the world, just as the sea and your friends had done. 

Sighing to yourself, you were growing restless from your paranoia. It had been with you for years, never ceasing, breaking slightly, but always growing. It was an infestation that had no extermination, a virus with no cure, and endless barrage of weakness that made you seem otherworldly and negatively different from those who walked this world. You were alien, scared to step out into a world with carelessness and courage. You were estranged from the world, even though you studied up on other countries’ cultures, but what did that matter now? With your crippling paranoia, you wouldn’t go to any of those wondrous places you dreamed of as a child. 

The mere thought made your throat suddenly grow dry with this realization. Your mind transformed into a scale, fear weighing down your childhood desires of travelling the world and becoming a person who lived a fulfilling life of adventure and experience. The chain shivered at paranoia’s weight and you felt the burden break from the scale and descend rapidly. Your heart beat loudly as though the burden struck your heart and made it ache temporarily, your fingers grasping your chest. Sucking in air, needing some sort of air, you coughed harshly. Too hard, too rough, too sudden. Your other hand gripped the docks’ edge, needing a grasp on reality. Perhaps, this was a part of growing up. Of realizing that some childhood dreams should best be laid to rest like corpses beneath the ground, of understanding that not every wish and want could be accessible or accomplished. Not every dream could come true and you knew this as a realistic feature of life.

Tears growing in the corner of your eyes, your coughing started to slow as you quickly drew your attention to the moon. How many astronauts had walked that strange terrain? How many men and women roamed beyond that lunar orb and touched bases with Mars or Venus or even Jupiter? All your life you had looked to the stars, searching for some panacea to your paranoia. The universe never terrified you, but rather it made you question what more was there to this life. What slept far away in some dark galaxy and was it any different to the wondrous sights you witnessed in photographs? What waited to be discovered, to be explored, and would it be just as beautiful as anything found on Earth? You found no answers, but wonderment. Sometimes, the stars quelled your what if, nonsensical thoughts that would burst in your brain as you tried to sleep. Your mother even bought you a starry filled globe that glowed because as a child you cried when the stars weren’t visible from your window. You still had this globe for nights when the skies were too dark to see a single star. 

Staring at the moon, you noticed an ebony speck blotted out some of the light. Eyes widening, you had believed in UFOs for fun and had never taken them seriously. There were also no space exploration events occurring, as you felt your heart quicken. Standing on the boards, you watched as the spot grew and grew, now nearing you faster than an oncoming train. Your brain raced with curiosity, questions and possibilities arising as to what this could be; a falling satellite, a broken weather balloon, a descending air glider, a dying bird. As the object grew closer and closer, you noticed that it was none of the things you hypothesized, but rather a blue police box. Your head spun just like the police box as it seemed to be falling rapidly, gaining speed like a meteor ready to make impact. Your feet reeled backwards, forcing you to run, your eyes never leaving the hurtling box as it drew closer with speed to the sea. Tripping over a coil of rope, you scrambled away on your palms and ankles like a crab escaping its predator. Curling into a ball for protection from any flinging wooden planks and whatever mechanisms this police box had. Gritting your teeth, you could feel your lungs racing with your heart as both reverberated throughout your head. Breathing hard, you dared not look through the security of your arms. 

Fear rose to your mind once more as your spine grew rigid, wondering what lied inside this box. You dared not open it or even approach it; in case of something frightful or dangerous would emerge. What could break from this police box, you didn’t know. Maybe it was a scientist or inventor’s device gone awry or a prop from a filming nearby or a science project. Its light flickered like a candle flame as it hissed softly and the door creaked open, causing you to cringe. Smoke tumbled forth from the foreign object as the sound of someone coughing broke through the sudden, still air. Lowering your arms, your widened eyes fell upon this man who stared at you with all the whimsy of a child encountering a new friend. He seemed harmless, but your hand still dove into your pocket for your mace. Gripping the vial, your eyes never left the being. 

“Oi!” A man with a rather prominent chin resting above a bow tie popped out of the box.”Is this Cardiff?”

Cardiff? Wasn’t that overseas? In Britain or something? You were far from Britain let alone Cardiff. You began to question what was wrong with this man. His voice was childish but curious, just like yours was so many moons ago. He appeared to be well into his late twenties, if not early thirties yet he dressed like a professor from your university. A tweed jacket clung to his lanky frame and you swore you had never seen such skinny legs in your entire life. Chestnut hair combed over his right temple and slowly rising, your guard rose like walls around an army fortress. Narrowed eyes watched him as he took note of your darkened orbs and arched an eyebrow. 

“I’m sorry, have I said-“

“Don’t come any closer!” You yelled hastily, fingers tightly clenching the mace as though your life depended on it.

“I mean no harm-“

“Then who are you!? What are you?! Why did you fall out of the sky?! What do you want?!” You barked your questions like a barrage of bullets spitting out of your mouth with no control. He amazingly took them all without flinching or cringing at your harsh tones, though his arched eyebrow never wavered, wondering why you were so protective.

Not moving from the Tardis’ door way, he kept his calm composure despite your demeanor. His hazel eyes transfixed on your frame, attempting to decipher why you were so tense. Then again, who wouldn’t be this way when a strange object fell from the stars with an even stranger man inside? Most of the time he was met with weaponry, shocked eyes, curious gaping mouths, and people running from him. The Doctor sighed to himself; humanity (then again, other species) were sometimes so quick to judge. Perhaps, you were like one of the judgmental minds this world had to possess. It was a shame, you were so young too, but maybe, just maybe he could change you. It would be another challenge, but it could possibly be done. Smiling softly, he cleared his throat. 

“Hey, hey, hey,” the man cooed gently like a parent speaking to a child. “I’m here- well, actually, my locator broke and I’m forcefully here. I was looking for Cardiff. Reaaaalllllllllly wanted to get some jammy dodgers and a cuppa tea.”

“Lo-locator?” You hissed, trying to control your paranoia and flaring anger.

“Yes! Locator! A feature of the Tardis! Well, my Tardis.”

“Tard…is?”

“Tardis! Time And Relevant Dimensions In Space! A space ship that could take you anywhere and any when that you desire!”

“This….this thing is a space ship? And it’s called the Tardis?”

“Yes!” He boasted joyfully as your curiosity was piqued. 

One by one, your fingers freed themselves from the mace in your pocket. Your narrowed eyes stretched, causing your eyebrow to arch. You had never heard of a Tardis or a locator used in space travel, perhaps this man was a division of NASA you hadn’t heard of. Though there was no logo anywhere on his ship other than directions on how to use a call box. Come to think of it, you had never seen a craft like this. Most space ships were sleek in design and had a pointed nose as to where his was a police box. When were police boxes used last anyway? The seventies? Eighties? The birth of cell phones did away with call boxes and pay phones, leaving people to call for the authorities or anyone by means of a mobile phone. Even how it appeared, it seemed like it was made for one person. How did he even fit in there? Well, he was rather skinny so he would probably be able to fit in there by himself. With this logic, you wondered how this man acquired a police box (a Tardis as he called it) and made it fly.

“Who….are you exactly…?” You asked with caution, your right foot pressing into the ground in case you had to make a break for it.

“I am the Doctor!”

“The Doctor?”

“Yes!”

“The Doctor of….what? Cardiology? Neurology?” 

The Doctor scratched the back of his head, causing some of his hair to fluff and toss about. What was he the Doctor of? Even he didn’t know, other than he knew he was often flung into locations (willingly or unwillingly or even unintentionally) to help those who needed it. He did come from Gallifrey and this he knew just as he had two hearts. Technically, he was the Doctor of Gallifrey and now that he thought about it, that title sounded so bold and courageous. He would have to use it more often.

“That’s just it. I’m the Doctor. I’m the Doctor of Gallifrey, a planet far beyond this one! I travel across space and time, anywhere and any when.”

The word ‘travel’ struck you, causing you to lower your guard. He was one of those who roamed across worlds and saw things that you could only dream and research. He ventured through galaxies and worlds and places you never knew of. He rolled back through the years in this strange blue box, going to times when you weren’t alive, and the world was still young or reeling in the Elizabethan era if not many other eras. He probably met iconic characters from those times like Shakespeare and Ronald Reagan and Mary Shelley. How wondrous and different this man was and as your spine began to calm, you started to admire this being. He looked as human as ever and yet you knew he had to be alien which was shocking indeed, which made your brain spin faster theories about this person and where he came from and why he wasn’t back on his homeworld and if he was a murderer. You were used to your brain doing this, paranoia tag teaming with its friend anxiety, and spinning stories that were false or nonsensical. 

The Doctor stroked the Tardis’ doorway, his eyes closing, knowing that you were working your brain to further understand him. He would help you with any questions you had, like other curious people. A coy smile grew on his face as he opened his eyes, watching you nonchalantly. Dimly lit by the moonlight and the Tardis’ golden glow, you were a typical human being whose mind was probably fractured from this encounter. The Doctor was known to blown people’s minds and it was something he sometimes prided himself in doing. There was no one else like him and to know this, he smiled somberly. Yes, there was only one Gallifreyan left and that was him. It was heart breaking to know this, but he knew he would have to do everything he could to change the universe for the better. To heal the wars, to fix the monsters, to eliminate the evils, and to help anyone, anywhere with whatever was troubling them the best he could. He knew all of the other Gallifreyans would have lived up to their titles, their identities, and execute their purposes the best they could. 

“You’re…..,” you started, disbelief resonating in your voice. “You’re far from Cardiff. You’re in Baltimore, Maryland. United States.”

“Oh. Well that is rather far then. I’ll fix the old girl later, I’m pretty sure I can get to Cardiff without that locator.”

“Wait! Before you go!” You started, your fear building like Sisyphus rolling a rock to a mountain’s summit. The battle of wanting to fulfill something you always desired versus the paranoia that had been ingrained into your brain raged on as it had done most of your life. This was your only chance of living and you only had one life; to let it go to waste and not have the opportunity to experience everything would be a crime to yourself. On the other hand, you would be safe. You would be free from all the dangers the world and many other worlds possibly imposed and remembering every single criminal your parents or news informed you about, you decided. Like many other wars before this one, the victory always went to your paranoia. You were used to this triumph and sighing to yourself, you knew you had to accept it just like many times before. Especially now with the Doctor and knowing what he had experienced, you would ask him what you had asked others you knew that had traveled. 

“Tell me what it’s like? The stars, those planets, the universe. Tell me, please.” Desperation clung to your voice like a child gripping their parent’s leg and in that moment the Doctor understood. He comprehended your hum drum 9 to 5 menial tasks of whatever job you had and how it needed to be broken. He heard the cry that everyone had regardless of race, gender, sexual identity, any trait that defined them. It was that cry of exploration. A need to venture beyond one’s comfort zone and see what else rested in this vast universe, if not many other universes. It was the call to the wild, the need to be embraced by the world, and swallowed by whatever arose in a new place. A journey for the soul and the vessel that it resided in and he saw that need burning in your eyes. That need to go beyond the daily routine and find something extraordinary and experience it with every fiber in your being.

The Doctor smiled. He knew he had to help.

“Tell you?” He asked playfully. “Why not show you?” You felt your eyes widen, for once not in fear, but in surprise and astonishment. You knew there was cruelty and kindness in this world. Other than your neighbors, parents, and friends, you knew not the kindness of others. 

Yet your heart rumbled and pounded, fear stirring with excitement. Fear, do you go with a stranger you had only met? He seemed harmless and kind, but it could be an act. He could secretly be concealing weapons to slaughter you with or (since he was an alien), maybe his skin could peel away and reveal his true form. A darkly sinister being with jaws and teeth made for gnashing flesh like yours. Elation sparked, to see more than what you ever dreamed of as a child. To go beyond what NASA could ever accomplish and maybe, just maybe these sights would break your paranoid walls or in the least chip away at them much like everyone else had been doing. To see worlds and times you never knew or read about and for a moment, you grew breathless. What a wonderful idea, what a terrific offer. It was a life time opportunity that you would never ever receive again unless per chance it was through dreams. 

“I’ll take you to the stars. The planets. All of time and space, anything you want to see – where would you like to start?” The Doctor grinned, offering his hand.

“I…I…,” your voice quivered. It was now or never. Your paranoia had won another war earlier and yet here was a man, willing to show you everything and anything your heart desired. Your brain started to spin endless stories of what if situations, of being harassed, devoured, or beaten. They whirred in your mind like an engine in a car and you grit your teeth, needing to rebel against those false tales. Your desires had been suffocated for far too long by criminals you would possibly never run into. You had never been stalked or assaulted a single day in your life. Your life was a safe cocoon, even when being exposed to the truthful nature of Earth. You swallowed hard, feeling the words form in the base of your throat and how those words burned to be spoken. If they were not spoken now, then they would crumble like a skeleton in the cage of your heart .You couldn’t let them reside to that fate and crying out through the dark and moonlight, you swore it wasn’t you speaking, but rather your soul.

“I…I…..I want to see everything!” You threw your hand over your mouth. You sounded way too confident and cocky. Your cheeks in return responded by shading themselves a deep hue of cherry which made the Doctor’s hearts beat with joy in knowing he could still save you from turning bitter and reclusive. 

“It’s okay,” he spoke softly. “I’m the same way. I too want to see everything – I want to see galaxies being born while planets burst with strange lives I’ve never known. I want to watch time stop before me and I can see everything for what it is! I want to see times when men and women have fallen and risen – true heroes of their day! I want to see it all! I may have seen alot in my day, but I can assure you I’m far from finished!” Your hand fell to the side at his zest for life and how he roared his wants into the shadows surrounding you both. You had never encountered such a man who spoke everything your soul craved and what your inner child had so adored after all these years. Understanding him in a way you never thought you would and before your fear could rise once more like the tide, you ran forward and took his hand.

Through that night (if not many nights and days to the point where you had completely forgotten about your job), you saw many wondrous things. You saw galaxies burn, their spectral space dust gliding through the stars, you watched suns erupt into nothingness, and black holes swallow their energy. You observed the lonely days of Emily Dickinson and the night Mary Shelley and the others came together to tell ghost stories in a rainstorm and how “Frankenstein” was birthed in her words. You dipped your toes into some foreign pool made from liquidated emeralds from a mountainous mine that out-shined the fairy pools of Ireland. You stroked the stomachs of flying beasts in a city that never slept and when they did, it was only once or twice a year. Your eyes watched as a triple eclipse danced before you and the Doctor grinned in elation as he watched you smile like a child on Christmas morn. You traveled to the places you had longed to venture, to India’s bazaar boulevards, to Russia’s snowy hills, to Provence’s fields, to the balmy shores of Bora Bora, and so many other destinations that you couldn’t possibly name them all. Every single event that happened filled your head with appreciation for what rested beyond the stars and your dreams. Every singular action rested in your mind as a memory that you knew you would never forget even on your deathbed. Every moment began to work away at your fear, eliminating the paranoia that had been with you like a second shadow all these years. Your walls were shattered entirely by the bowtied Doctor who showed you that although this world and many others like it were scary, fear could not restrain you from pursuing what you wanted. That fear should be tackled like a beast and handled as such, that bravery should be the whip that trains the beast to heel and retreat. That fear should never be the force to hold you back from everything you want. That everything should be accepted about your world and all the others you had ventured to, even the good and the bad. That some things could change the cruelty of the worlds, but not always no matter how hard you tried, and that it was all right and that nature would take its course. 

You never wanted the adventures to end, but even you knew you had to return to reality someday. Your supervisor and neighbors were probably concerned for your whereabouts. You hadn’t kept in contact this entire escapade and you didn’t intend to. Reality could wait for you for once as you had waited all these years for it grow less terrifying, but it never did. There was nothing to fear anymore and you smiled in knowing you stepped off the Tardis a much more confident and brave person. 

Every time you went out by yourself or a friend from that day onward, you would look to the sky, wondering where the Doctor was. You wondered if his Tardis transmitter picked up the ‘thank you’ you would murmur beneath your breath whenever you stared into the skies. You hoped it would, knowing that no matter how many times you said it, it still wouldn’t be enough for all the sights and help the Doctor had given to you.


End file.
